And there she was in front of me, as sudden as the former sentence was written, she is the incarnation of beauty, mesmerized, I stare into the blackness of her hair resting on the magnificent thrones of her shoulders, soothing as the smooth summer breeze kissing the foreheads of weary humans going about their troublesome daily lives. Her eyes are priceless pearls worth fighting for among pirates and commanders of fleets, shining bright for the unfortunate soul of mine like a treasure long lost and finally found, salvation to the sinner I, the healing to the plagued I and a destination to the wandering I. Her figure is poetry to the aspiring poet in me inspiring words I had no previous knowledge of, a vision for artistic creations of old and a dark spell I remain under.
I walk the plain streets every morning, wander in prolonged routes with childish hope I would see her passing by, longing for a moment in time where I would ultimately find anything to spew instead of writing this nonsensical piece in the empty pages that call her name and depict her face, all in vain, all in worthlessness.
I had vowed not so long ago that she would be the savior of what I perceive as my dark future, but with time passing swiftly through my senses like a sharpened blade and with all that is logical standing against my wanting, my vow appears fleeting, feeble, like the murmuring of the gravely wounded promising to slay their murderers, like the drunken rambling of the poor aiming for sudden wealth, but the dying will meet their maker before their vengeance, the drunken will pour more wine, the poor will get poorer with foolish hopes of riches and my thirst will never be quenched.
I will remain watching, wanting, yearning, longing, mourning what will never be and writing about worlds I may never perceive for my curse is wishing and rarely do wishes come true.
Yours hopeful,
Zeus
January 8, 2013 at 11:01 pm
and lost things, will forever contain thier beauty and charm, never touched by an ugly reality.
January 10, 2013 at 12:51 pm
I like the beginning, how you begin with ‘and’, which is interesting. I love the image of ‘hair resting on the magnificent thrones of her shoulders’. It’s very new and creative. It will definitely stick with me for a while. I do, however, dislike how there are no full stops in these five lines. There are several independent sentences that cannot be linked to the ones before them. You can use a semi-colon as a separator but all these commas are both confusing and slightly irritating; they mar the beauty of the lines.
I love the alliteration in ‘priceless pearls’ and the image of the pirates; another fresh image. Since I am an alliteration-lover, I naturally love ‘long lost’ and ‘finally found’ especially when they follow one another like that. After ‘found’ you need a full-stop, because it took me several reads to figure out what goes where. I love the ‘artistic creations’ and the ‘dark spell’ – as expected.
In the third paragraph, what do you mean by ‘spew’? The following paragraph is interesting but REALLY long!
Sad ending but I like it.
My apologies for the lengthy comment. I had received this before the tag, but I was too lazy to sit down and review – I’m sure you realise why.
January 10, 2013 at 1:45 pm
Such lengthy comments are a blessing because I do learn a lot each time I receive constructive feedback as my knowledge was gathered from the most unusual of sources.