I try so hard just to be myself.
What the fuck is ‘My-Self’? or even just ‘self’ for that matter?
Is it my face? my faith? my past? my choices? my values-or lack of-? or even the sum of the parts? I have absolutely no fucking clue, all I know about it is that I can’t touch it, I can’t see it and I can’t smell but I have this strange belief that I had it.
I had it and now no longer.
Is it lost? or did I make the conscious choice to disregard it? if it’s the former then How? and if it’s the latter then why?
My head burns…
Did I lose it midst wanderings in the past? or during one of my often committed mistakes?
Fire is overwhelming…
Did I wear my proudly mastered masks for too long that I can no longer have 1 singular self? or are there even more than just 1 self?
incinerate my visions…
I decided to leave it be, for I am a failure, for I could not even know if I had a self or not, thoughts of death pierced my skull, slowly, harshly and I lied in the dismay of ignorance.
Can you see?
Let me die.
I won’t care then.